So, I'm in the library because the rest of my classes were cancelled (yay) and I'm waiting for Meg so we can go to lunch. I went to Autobio today and Gigi handed back a packet of all the writing I've done thus far that may potentially make it into my final memoir. She had mostly really positive comments, which left me excited and anxious to perfect my autobio. But all of her suggestions revolved around a central theme. She says she loves my voice, and I have a great description and a fluid narrative; but what is missing is the me factor. She wants to get a better sense of who I am, what I think and like and feel passionately about, and why. She wants to better understand the things that I hold so dear to me: my parents, my relationship with them, my sister, my home, my neighborhood, my intimate family relationships, my identity... basically, all the heavy/central stuff. And I now know why she commented about that: I can't seem to bring myself to write about the things I cherish the most.

I've tried many times to start writing about LNT, Hannah & Sarah, my family dynamic, my extended family, my beautiful home and neighborhood, and everything I write just sucks. (I know nano writing is supposed to suck, but I'm looking at this in terms of which pieces I'm going to choose to put in my memoir, what stories I need to tell most of all. So I have to take it seriously, and really hone my voice.)

I'm holding back, and now I can really see it. I never thought it would be so hard to write about the things that really make my life worthwhile. I wrote 15 pages on youth group the other day, and I said a bunch of stuff, but it was, at the same time, nothing like what I needed to write about. I really have to work on opening up, being myself, and letting my writing really stand for who I am, and it's scary because it's a hell of a lot harder than I thought it would be.

Welcome home, Week 2 Writer's Crisis. Oh, how I haven't missed you so.